BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN (PART THREE)

BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN (PART THREE)

 
By Dwight Cunkle

based on The Anger Trap by Dr Les Carter

The purpose of anger is to preserve or protect.

The problem with anger is that Sin enters when we act out angrily without respect or sensitivity to others. (Common sense dictates how we treat an intruder or enemy on the battlefield  but I am talking about normal day-today conflict resolution with people around us.)

Trained Incompetence—generational patterns of iniquity
Few people were trained how to handle anger and frustration in positive assertive ways during their childhood. Generational patterns of moodiness and self-protective reaction become entrenched like curses: “demolition derby arguing”, or passive aggressive behavior (“silent treatment” or “saying ‘Yes’ while meaning ‘No’,” procrastination, not finishing work, doing work without excellence, etc...).

Common excuses we use include: “that’s just the way I am,” or “if you had been treated the way I have…” or  there may be a physiological problem like a depletion of serotonin in the brain.The message many received is “just stop feeling that way,” instead of hearing, “tell me more about what happened and what might help.”

The model often was “do as I say not as I do.” We can tell a child their angry action was bad but are they imitating us whining, bickering or suppressing anger?

Then we grow up without being trained how to handle emotions: to slow down, listen, think and make careful choices in how to manage life’s challenges. We don’t realize that we actually need a “plan” beforehand about how to communicate and resolve problems. In most situations anger warrants careful exploration of cause and consequence but do we do it?

Contemplative Thinking:
No matter our age and experience we can choose to learn how to think differently about our feelings and make better choices., rather than just reacting on impulse and out-of-control. Then I can learn to discern the spirit-source/direction. 

Does my anger in this instant have a legitimate cause and do I have a way to communicate how I feel (not just attack)?

How can I respond in a way consistent with life goals, values and Jesus’ commands about relationships?

BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN (PART TWO)

BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN (PART TWO)

By Dwight Cunkle

based on The Anger Trap by Dr Les Carter

Can anger be productive when handled properly?
Yes, if while I am trying to preserve personal worth, needs and convictions I simultaneously uphold the dignity of the others involved.

We can communicate with a positive kind of assertiveness about our core values when we want others to take us seriously. The true nature of assertiveness is not so strong willed that others feel insignificant or invalidated.

A list of positive functions of anger include:

Standing firmly for right beliefs
Expressing caring concern about poor others’ choices made by others
Stipulating personal limits and boundaries
Establishing self-respect
Holding firmly to personal convictions even as others attempt mind controlling maneuvers
Addressing problems related to irresponsibility or misguided priorities
Being clear about personal needs
Demonstrating confidence and inviting others to consider your perspective
Setting your own course for each day’s challenges
Establishing discipline and coordination in shared efforts

If you are able to tie anger to constructive motives, it is no longer an ensnaring emotion. Instead, anger can become an impetus to propel you to stand for truth and take a proactive approach to conflict resolution.

TIPS FOR PRAYER AND MEDITATION

TIPS FOR PRAYER AND MEDITATION

By Dwight Cunkle

Things that might help in daily prayer and meditation: 
Consider reading the Scripture once the night before, then when you revisit it in the morning something may “pop.”
If needed briefly think about the historical and cultural context to whom the Scripture was addressed.
Keep it simple rather than feel like this is too hard because you may "not be getting anything." You have probably heard God and received from Him many times when reading the Scripture or just thinking (but perhaps not always recognizing when it was God speaking or directing).
Don’t think you have to get something every day. Trust Holy Spirit to reveal Christ’s specific word in you over time instead of feeling pressure to “get” something immediately every time.
You can revisit a previous day. Please avoid looking at other Scriptures during this specific 20-45 minutes. Trust God.
Think in terms of sowing and reaping-how that growth takes time. New ideas may come instantly. New ways of thinking require however long Holy Spirit needs to work in us.
It is said that it takes repetition of 18 days to exchange a new habit for an old one. BUT it takes six months to feel at home in the changes-like they are part of you-in other words to “abide in them.” Be patient with yourself and with God who works in you both to will and to do his good pleasure (Phil 2:13).

Create a daily habit/pattern as "a way that works":
1. Five days a week, 20-45 min daily, praying through the Scripture.  Start with what you are able to do.
2. Give thanks and ask God for the grace as you begin.
3. Think back prayerfully, in the morning or before going to bed. “Discern the spirits” in our thoughts and emotions.
4. Make some notes briefly of your thoughts or responses.
5. Practice consciousness of God during the day
When first waking up consciously learn to wake up mind and spirit. Grow in consciousness of God’s presence and your responses throughout the day. We won't be afraid to think because we become more aware God lives in us.

BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN (YEAH RIGHT!?!)

BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN 

(YEAH RIGHT!?!)

By Dwight Cunkle

(based on The Anger Trap by Dr Les Carter)

To abide in Jesus (live in the life of The Prince of Peace) and be his dwelling place I will probably have to deal with anger in both forms (healthy and unhealthy). Paul wrote "be angry but don't sin." I'm pretty good at the first part; Not So good at the second. Jesus shows us the right reasons for righteous anger and ways to respond. Selfishness was not one of them. Love can actually be a proper source for righteous anger.

Why is there so much anger? Because of so much Pain!
Types of pain include fear, insecurity and abuse. Other causes of anger include misunderstandings about spiritual and emotional maturity or what it means to be a man or what the true nature of authority is. People trapped in anger often try to exert control in order to meet their demands. If that sounds selfish it is, but remember that much unhealthy anger comes from unresolved pain not just selfishness.
Can angry people change?

If one of the "Sons of Thunder" could become the Apostle of Love (and we don't mean x's and o's) then there is the hope for us. Holy Spirit can uncover and resolve the sources and actions of anger which are harmful not only to ourselves but to those around us if we humble ourselves and ask grace to abide in his love. It’s a long process to learn when to both be angry and take proper actions, while abiding in the love of God.

?What? Be angry and be in God's love at same time?
Do I know I am loved unconditionally by God and have no need to protect myself from him and his will? That is the purpose of anger-to protect myself or others. Do I feel respected by God? Do I think that I have significance to God? Do I feel treated unfairly by God or think He handles others wrongly? Can I talk to God honestly about our relationship and be open to what He will say back to me? Then I am well on the way to handling anger in healthy ways; both my anger toward others and anger from others directed at me.
David handled anger without damaging his relationship with God. He was cautious to not react defensively toward those who mistreated him (like  Saul) but he also expressed his anger toward others like Saul's daughter, his wife. She didn't just disrespect him but the God he was worshipping by his "undignified dance".
So we see that David showed righteous anger toward the enemies of God like Goliath- he fought them. David loved God and knew he was loved by God. That is the source of learning how to be free from bad anger and yet respond rightly when anger is justified.

May God heal us from old wounds and fears and fill us with his  love. We also ask for the courage to speak and act for God's justice for the oppressed and enslaved (who are experiencing a kind of “hell on earth”) and God give us courage to witness and work in mercy and love for those He will save from eternal hell. Be angry and sin not.