"Love is the three legged stool"

Our command to love God and love our neighbor occurs at least five times in the New Testament.  We will not be able to obey love from our heart without profound trust in God. When we seek the good of others at our own expense it will allow us to be hurt or disappointed. This does not mean we are to endure physical or emotional abuse without protecting ourselves or others from evil, because love does not "enable" other people in sinful harmful patterns of behavior. Parents and authorities call this "tough love" that allows people to experience the consequences of their choices. Admonishing someone in love opens us up to rejection and misunderstanding. Therefore, to humbly and patiently correct someone is another way we abandon our own self-protection. So don't try to always cover or make excuses for someone who is causing hurt to themselves or others. 

How will we know when and how to confront a brother or sister whose sinful choices are harming themselves and others? When we sit on the "Three-legged-stool" of the Scripture, the Holy Spirit and submission to the church, then we will know what love requires. It is neither wise nor helpful to judge another while sitting on a stool with only one or even two legs. Submit to authority, meditate on the context of Scripture (not just isolate a few verses here and there) and make sure you are in the same spirit as Jesus and the Father (not a bad spirit). Then God will give you wisdom and grace to "as much as possible live in peace with all men."

1 Cor 13:4-7  Love is patient and kind. Love is not proud, rude, or demanding its own way. Love is not irritable and keeps no record of wrongs. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance."

"God is love." "Let love be sincere." "Don't let your love grow cold."

-PD

Desire Much, Pray Much, but Demand Nothing

"Sometimes I get what I think want then it turns out I don't want it." (The pleasure in sin for a while-Hebrews 11:25)

"Sometimes I work hard to stop doing what is wrong and that I don't want to do, but I don't get what I really want." (see Romans 7).

We usually don't willfully break God's outward commands, which is good but that doesn't mean we have recognized and dealt with sin in our hearts.  (Matt 23:26 "first clean the inside of the cup.")

Both obvious and subtle relational sins violate God's command to love. What does loving our neighbor look like? (See Mt 23:23 neglecting justice, mercy and faithfulness).

The "common people” heard Jesus gladly, and He was called "friend of sinners." He ate with tax collectors and spoke with adulteresses and allowed a prostitute to touch him. He set us an example by not protecting himself from death and dishonor let alone inconvenience. "He was acquainted with sorrow." "He set us an example how to suffer."

Self-protection is a sin when our legitimate thirst for receiving love and feeling valued creates a demand to not be hurt that overrides a commitment to lovingly involve ourselves with others.

Our demand to avoid pain is a set up for offense and can lead to even more unhealthy patterns of withdrawal or manipulation. This isolation can lead to outward sins as we seek to satisfy our thirst or numb the pain.

Where are the answers? Are solutions "out there somewhere" or do we need to face our fears and wounds and sins and demands and unmet expectations and take all to Jesus? When we come to Him at the cross we find our sins and pain are in his wounds. When we risk being vulnerable with trusted friends about how we feel and what we need or even want, then we open a door into the grace and mercy and faithfulness of God's love. We can do that for one another - be a safe place. And by becoming more real (like the Velveteen Rabbit in the children's story) we will feel more pain but also more love. We will become more loving and less self-protective.

Perhaps a good place to begin is to trust Jesus more and repent of my frustrating expectations on others and myself-maybe even of God. Then I won't have so many demands of avoiding pain from others, and God.

Job was a good and righteous man but he did have a "demanding spirit" (Job 23:4-7). Later on Job faced God and realized his demanding spirit was rooted in self-justification instead of humble faith and trust in God (Job 40:8).

Maybe a good mantra would be, "Desire much, pray much, but demand nothing." (Job 42:3, 5-6)

(For more insights read Larry Crabb's book Real Change is Possible if you're willing to start from the Inside Out.)

Dwight