FORGIVENESS IS CENTRAL TO MAKE THE JESUS SHIFT

FORGIVENESS IS CENTRAL TO MAKE THE JESUS SHIFT

By Dwight Cunkle

Part eleven based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

It shouldn’t take bone cancer to heal us
of relational cancer

     Like you, I have many memories of the agony of broken relationships which could have been avoided if we had chosen to learn how to practice assertive anger (truth in love). One example is the relational pain I had caused my sisters and I am sure my own parents by withdrawing from them, moving away, and being judgmental and self-righteous toward them. It was not until we shared the care of our father during his final weeks of battling painful bone cancer that I reconciled and began to feel close again to my sisters. In the days of dad’s lingering pain I felt the Lord say to me, “He is filling up the mystery of sharing in my suffering for my body.” His pain gave opportunity to heal our relational pain. But I had to make the “Jesus Shift” to acceptance and ask and receive forgiveness.

Anger and frustration comes in conflict not because we want to fight but because
we want closure and connection.

If your brother is offended at you go and try to make it right with him before trying to bring sacrifices to God (Mt 5:22-23) 

If your brother has sinned against you go to him privately and try to restore the relationship. (Mt 18:18-19)

      If we would just practice the two above Scriptures so much unnecessary pain could be avoided.

     Just as there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to express anger, there is also healthy and unhealthy guilt. Godly sorrow produces intense remorse over our sin and intense motivation to be forgiven and restored. This kind of agony is a gift of God’s mercy leading to true repentance.

     Bad guilt is condemning like shame. It leads us to turn inward but not deep enough-it only focuses on self. Narcissistic introspection won’t restore our soul anymore than blame and holding onto offense. Good guilt directs us to the cross and deep into the core of our spirit where Christ dwells. There He heals and restores.

     The peace which follows from this grace enables us to accept others, ask and give forgiveness. Especially in this season, may God grant us good guilt, reconciliation and peace.

PAIN ALSO SERVES A PURPOSE

PAIN ALSO SERVES A PURPOSE

By Dwight Cunkle

Part ten based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

Last week we looked at “myths” that can cause unhealthy and anger-either hidden and passive or openly
aggressive.

Believing and demanding wrong ideals leads to disillusionment, vows like “I will never…” and bitter-root judgments which poison our interpretation of others.

“I need people to treat me fairly,” needs replaced with,“I can manage my anger despite others’ flaws.”
“Being forceful is a sign of strength,” can be replaced with “Gentleness and listening humbly show strength.”
“Accepting or showing weakness means defeat,” Can be replaced with, “Accepting mine and others’ weaknesses the maturity and emotional health I want.”

A key is to not build my self-esteem on what I think I deserve or what privileges to which I feel entitled. As we saw in this past election that always leads to anger and poor decisions. It is healthier to focus on my responsibilities which means I also need to face and accept pain. People who are often hurting others have probably not come to terms with their own inner agony.

Pain can have a redemptive purpose-protecting us from worse injury to ourselves and others.

The cross is the place for our pain since Jesus bore it. The cross is the place of exchange of our rights for his good.

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.

Let pain bring you to Christ’s wounds. Come to Jesus’ side and ask healing from deep wounds. Ask grace to give and receive forgiveness.  Exchange life with Jesus.

SHIFTING OUR PARADIGM OF ANGER

SHIFTING OUR PARADIGM OF ANGER

By Dwight Cunkle

Part nine based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

Anger has a positive purpose when not “hijacked” by fear, pride, denial or blame-shifting. This week we look at the power of choosing to face Reality that the world often is not what we want and is always beyond our ability to control. But we can choose how we respond, beginning with letting go of our illusions and shock when life and people are hard. As we accept pain and disappointment we can respond with truth and love. When we abide in God’s love we can choose to love others while speaking the truth to them.

Eph 4:25-27 ...each of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Signs of unrealistic expectations and demands of others:

I can’t believe….
Why cant you just…
I don’t understand why….

When statements like these are followed by a tendency to brood or act out in ways that are hurtful to those around us we can recognize that we have unrealistic demands on life

Two sources of anger from our past:
1. Chronic mistreatment or unresolved friction in our childhood. May influence us to look to the future with vows and illusions, “One of these days….”.
2. Some adults look back on childhood as almost perfect. Anxiety and frustration grow as they are unable to reproduce such perfection in their own home and lives.

Assertive anger uses firmness with calmness and gentleness. Facing reality and facing other people with respect means we choose to not keep score and not keep hold of an unrealistic sense of entitlement about how others and life should treat us.

Bottom line: we need to bring everything to the cross of Jesus Christ. Who is never shocked and sees the end from the beginning. His faithful love never fails.

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN TRAPPED IN ANGER

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN TRAPPED IN ANGER

By Dwight Cunkle

Part eight based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter


Eph 4:25-27 25 ...each of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.

Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan to answer the question of love and boundaries. The social outcast (Samaritan) had plenty of reason to avoid the stranger in the ditch. The religious persons in the story passed on by, but he was willing to be interrupted (he went near to the one in need and touched him). The Samaritan chose to get involved (inconvenience changed his plan). He personally invested his own resources without expectation of being paid back. He could have reacted with judgment and anger and self-protection but instead he modeled love. He extended his personal boundary to include a stranger from a group different than his own, and he acted in compassion. 

To be a good neighbor means to be free from prejudice, past hurts, and to be willing to allow God to open my heart to receive and to give His agape’ love.
Review from previous weeks:
Understand the positive purpose of anger.
Become aware of the choice to handle anger in a healthy or unhealthy way: assertiveness combined with sensitivity to others. Choose not to suppress anger, be openly aggressive or resort to passive-anger (silence, poor work ethic, complaining, making excuses, blaming others, feeling like a victim, feeling sorry for myself or shunning accountability.
How am I influenced by family patterns to treat me and others with respect or defensive reactions?
Become aware of insecurity, pride, self-absorption, fear of being disrespected or devalued as a person, and myths I may believe about anger.

The purpose of anger is to preserve or protect. Anger is tied to the craving for love, admiration and significance-sometimes it is a cry to be relieved from pain of insecurity, pride, self-absorption, fear.