WHAT YOU AREN'T SAYING IS LOUDER THAN WHAT YOU ARE

WHAT YOU AREN'T SAYING IS LOUDER THAN WHAT YOU ARE 

by Dwight Cunkle

 

 

This week I substitute taught second grade at Kaiser. Several times I spoke with anger and treated a few students with disrespect when they misbehaved. I need more practice in thinking and loving a child who needs boundaries. It is wrong to look down on someone who lacks training and who needs father’s love. Christ humbled himself and shared our weakness to help us.

TRUE OR FALSE - Others are more important than me?

__What you’re not saying is louder than what you say.

__Non-verbal gives more than verbal communication:

(Body Language about 57%, Tone of Voice about 36%, Actual words 7%)

__When angry covert messages nearly always are more dominant than what is being said overtly. In other words, if I say something positive to you but use a condescending tone or roll my eyes, etc… you will receive a negative message.

(Keep reading to see how to relate to others without condescension and judgment. This key will help us put on Christ’s mind of love—being concerned about the interests of others above our own. Philippians 2 So if any encouragement, comfort from love, unity in the Spirit, affection, sympathy, 2 complete my joy...,  Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Answers to the above:

#1 is the more true the more emotion is present

#2 the figures are actually an urban myth although the idea sometimes applies.

#3 is TRUE.  

Choose to think descriptively instead of judgmentally:

     When feeling angry or frustrated at someone’s actions try to refuse to place judgment on them. Try to “unpack” what is going on instead of just making evaluations of your and their worth. Comparing yourself with others just places one person above or below another.

     On the other hand, I can admit I feel (disappointed etc…) and recognize their weakness or strength (e.g. they tend to be late or not plan their time well), then make a decision to have good boundaries (e.g. not put myself in a place of dependence on their keeping to my schedule). All the while, I refrain from judging or grading the person. Then I can see them as Christ does. Perhaps I can help them in the humility and love of Jesus.