WHAT YOU AREN'T SAYING IS LOUDER THAN WHAT YOU ARE

WHAT YOU AREN'T SAYING IS LOUDER THAN WHAT YOU ARE 

by Dwight Cunkle

 

 

This week I substitute taught second grade at Kaiser. Several times I spoke with anger and treated a few students with disrespect when they misbehaved. I need more practice in thinking and loving a child who needs boundaries. It is wrong to look down on someone who lacks training and who needs father’s love. Christ humbled himself and shared our weakness to help us.

TRUE OR FALSE - Others are more important than me?

__What you’re not saying is louder than what you say.

__Non-verbal gives more than verbal communication:

(Body Language about 57%, Tone of Voice about 36%, Actual words 7%)

__When angry covert messages nearly always are more dominant than what is being said overtly. In other words, if I say something positive to you but use a condescending tone or roll my eyes, etc… you will receive a negative message.

(Keep reading to see how to relate to others without condescension and judgment. This key will help us put on Christ’s mind of love—being concerned about the interests of others above our own. Philippians 2 So if any encouragement, comfort from love, unity in the Spirit, affection, sympathy, 2 complete my joy...,  Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Answers to the above:

#1 is the more true the more emotion is present

#2 the figures are actually an urban myth although the idea sometimes applies.

#3 is TRUE.  

Choose to think descriptively instead of judgmentally:

     When feeling angry or frustrated at someone’s actions try to refuse to place judgment on them. Try to “unpack” what is going on instead of just making evaluations of your and their worth. Comparing yourself with others just places one person above or below another.

     On the other hand, I can admit I feel (disappointed etc…) and recognize their weakness or strength (e.g. they tend to be late or not plan their time well), then make a decision to have good boundaries (e.g. not put myself in a place of dependence on their keeping to my schedule). All the while, I refrain from judging or grading the person. Then I can see them as Christ does. Perhaps I can help them in the humility and love of Jesus.    

BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN (PART TWO)

BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN (PART TWO)

By Dwight Cunkle

based on The Anger Trap by Dr Les Carter

Can anger be productive when handled properly?
Yes, if while I am trying to preserve personal worth, needs and convictions I simultaneously uphold the dignity of the others involved.

We can communicate with a positive kind of assertiveness about our core values when we want others to take us seriously. The true nature of assertiveness is not so strong willed that others feel insignificant or invalidated.

A list of positive functions of anger include:

Standing firmly for right beliefs
Expressing caring concern about poor others’ choices made by others
Stipulating personal limits and boundaries
Establishing self-respect
Holding firmly to personal convictions even as others attempt mind controlling maneuvers
Addressing problems related to irresponsibility or misguided priorities
Being clear about personal needs
Demonstrating confidence and inviting others to consider your perspective
Setting your own course for each day’s challenges
Establishing discipline and coordination in shared efforts

If you are able to tie anger to constructive motives, it is no longer an ensnaring emotion. Instead, anger can become an impetus to propel you to stand for truth and take a proactive approach to conflict resolution.

A Believer, A Witch, A

Seeker and A Healing

We don’t have to go on tour to minister…
Just ask Gloria or Suzi or each other, “how was God present to you and through you this week…

Thursday an elderly Whiz Kid tutor thanked me for praying a simple prayer of healing for her the week before—she received a healing and seemed quite surprised!

Friday we went “treasure hunting” Fri am: stopped at Starbucks and asked the manager if he knew the meaning of his name (Micah) and if he was a follower of Jesus—yes to both. Then I spoke to a witch who believed Jesus was the one cast out of heaven. Last of all I went back through the check out just to give a simple word to a cashier that God wanted her to know He was with her and she was not alone. She said she hasn’t been practicing her faith but just got this job and knows she is being blessed.

Practice makes permanent
I like the sound of that—“practicing our faith.” Sometimes I practice unbelief, disobedience, laziness, worry, fear, negativity, etc… Practicing our faith is much more fruitful and joyful. Last week Gary Cake said we need to see ourselves bearing fruit. So how was your practicing this week? Prayer? Service? Giving? Witness?

Remember why Jesus had to suffer: the outcome of his agony is the triumph of the life of God in us and through us to hurting people – resurrection joy! He answered forever the problem of evil (why people suffer) and gave us the antidote for the problem of hypocrisy—His grace teaches us and helps us in all our weaknesses.

Please pray for yourself and for us to have Courage: it’s our theme for MC tour this next month. Courage is not the absence of fear but acknowledging it, asking for help (grace) and going ahead to do what is right in spite of fear and doubt and the devil’s lies in our minds. How did Jesus embrace and overcome suffering? 

Declare and pray these Scriptures over yourself and us:

“Love compels us.” 2 Cor 5:14
“Since we have hope we are very bold.” 2 Cor 3:12
“They spoke boldly for the Lord who bore witness of His grace granting signs and wonders.” Acts 14:3
“His grace gives us unfailing courage and a firm hope to encourage you and strengthen you always to do and to say what is good.” 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
“You shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace.”
“Those who go forth weeping bearing precious seed shall doubtless come again rejoicing bringing fruit with them.”
Love motivated Him. We ask that grace and love motivate us all with courage. “The righteous are bold as a lion” Jesus is the Lion who makes us bold in love.

Courage proves love and love proves courage. 

-PD