SHIFTING OUR PARADIGM OF ANGER

SHIFTING OUR PARADIGM OF ANGER

By Dwight Cunkle

Part nine based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

Anger has a positive purpose when not “hijacked” by fear, pride, denial or blame-shifting. This week we look at the power of choosing to face Reality that the world often is not what we want and is always beyond our ability to control. But we can choose how we respond, beginning with letting go of our illusions and shock when life and people are hard. As we accept pain and disappointment we can respond with truth and love. When we abide in God’s love we can choose to love others while speaking the truth to them.

Eph 4:25-27 ...each of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Signs of unrealistic expectations and demands of others:

I can’t believe….
Why cant you just…
I don’t understand why….

When statements like these are followed by a tendency to brood or act out in ways that are hurtful to those around us we can recognize that we have unrealistic demands on life

Two sources of anger from our past:
1. Chronic mistreatment or unresolved friction in our childhood. May influence us to look to the future with vows and illusions, “One of these days….”.
2. Some adults look back on childhood as almost perfect. Anxiety and frustration grow as they are unable to reproduce such perfection in their own home and lives.

Assertive anger uses firmness with calmness and gentleness. Facing reality and facing other people with respect means we choose to not keep score and not keep hold of an unrealistic sense of entitlement about how others and life should treat us.

Bottom line: we need to bring everything to the cross of Jesus Christ. Who is never shocked and sees the end from the beginning. His faithful love never fails.

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN TRAPPED IN ANGER

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN 

TRAPPED IN ANGER

By Dwight Cunkle

Part seven based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

Review of the past six weeks: The purpose of anger is to preserve or protect. Anger is tied to the craving for love, admiration and significance-sometimes it is a cry to be relieved from pain of insecurity, pride, self-absorption, fear.

Anger is fear-based
This week we look at how fears of being devalued or disrespected prompt us to mishandle our anger. Three things will help us choose a healthy and positive way to respond:
Be objective: weigh facts with logic to make a reasoned response. Pause before reacting.
Then practice good listening to get all the facts  and avoid negative assumptions or interpretations about what other people might intend or may have been feeling.   
Believe that you are a person of worth, who cares about others, and by the help of God’s grace, can be a peacemaker and a protector of other’s personal worth and boundaries.

Avoid these when you feel threatened:
Pride and Denial: “know-it-all” or living in unreality, or “I can’t change”
Evasiveness: “I don’t care”, withdrawal, hiding
Reversal: deflection-”what about you?”, blaming others, whining about being a victim of circumstances

When we abide in God’s love we can choose to love others while speaking the truth to them. We believe the truth about ourselves-that we have value as a person created uniquely in God’s love. Then we can tell others how their choices may be affecting us and what our own choices are. We can choose to not be controlled by others, even if they mistreat us. And we can still be sensitive to their own unresolved pain and problems while maintaining healthy personal boundaries.

We can do all this by following the Great Commandment to love God and love our neighbor as our self.