The Sands of Forgiveness

The Sands of Forgiveness

http://jabelah.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/the-sand-of-forgiveness/

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey

they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who 

had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in 

the sand. And now you write on a stone.  Why?"

The other friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds 

of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must 

engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

Moral: Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.

Forgiveness: “The act of forgiving for an offense; pardoning.”

Love Becoming and You Will Become Loving

 Love Becoming and You Will Become Loving

by Dwight Cunkle

______________  listed reasons to help herself make good emotional response choices:

 “If I choose bitterness I can make myself feel superior to ______. He wouldn’t change but I could quietly gloat over my higher reasoning. But by accepting, forgiving and overlooking I could stop keeping score of right vrs wrong; I wouldn’t feel so drained over petty things; I could move to more pleasant thoughts like appreciation and happiness.
 “If I choose to continue the same non-productive ways of anger I will feel more hopeless and hurt. But if I use “brave communication” to resolve conflict it will mean hard work and time and risking my feelings.
 “If I continue to use blaming “You statements” (You make me feel…) instead of taking responsibility“I statements (When you quietly ignore me like last night I feel of little value or importance like something on a bookshelf gathering dust,) I will regret not trying to resolve conflict and have better relationships.” 

     She faced the truth that forgiveness and acceptance don’t excuse other people’s bad behavior or remove pain. But she saw that by taking memories and feelings to the cross she could receive more of Christ’s perspective and power (mercy and grace). Best of all, she could grow in love. She could both receive God’s love and choose to act more lovingly toward others. In turn, Carol began to feel more love, freedom, peace and courage to continue this new way of responding uprightly.
     As her heart became more whole and her mind less cluttered, she could meditate and contemplate Christ instead of feel trapped in her wounds and regrets. She could begin to know what God is really like. She wanted to know Him more.
Sharing Jesus’ Pain: even though she was changing others may not, could not or would not. She couldn’t “force them to change.” It was back to the cross….

The “Right” to a Happy New Year Comes When I Exercise the Privilege to Forgive

The “Right” to a Happy New Year Comes When I
Exercise the Privilege to Forgive

by Dwight Cunkle 

based on The Anger Trap by Carter

Forgiveness and acceptance reduce anger. Don't cling to fantasies expectations and demands about your right to be treated fairly let alone squarely. Anger is fed by your “shock reaction.” You must guard your heart against any bitter root negativity and bad expectation or they will grow with in you like a bad seed and branch out into a poisonous plant.

Instead, choose to change your responses. To avoid bitter fruit in your life you can choose the privilege of acceptance and forgiveness. They are not a duty forced on you as if you were a victim or martyr. You can choose to bring your pain and disappointment to the cross of Jesus Christ. He paid for our sins and provides healing for our wounds in his own.

Assertiveness doesn't always generate the results I desire; in fact, it can backfire. But, by bringing my conflicts to the cross I can trust the love of God to guide me in making good choices. Forgiveness and acceptance reduce anger, especially because some conflicts remain unresolved satisfactorily. My insistence on having my way, my rights, or even closure entrap me and trip me up in the foul mood of unresolved anger. On the other hand assertiveness can be walked out with love for others while we can still be firm in our choices and boundaries.

I am in control of my choices, especially how I respond when others react or ignore my desires. Bitterness is a choice but acceptance and forgiveness is a better choice. As we sow shall we reap. God's grace is given to the humble; His mercy to the merciful.

Choose forgiveness and acceptance and choose to have good boundaries at the same time. You will have much more happiness and peace.

What do you most want this New Year?

FORGIVENESS IS CENTRAL TO MAKE THE JESUS SHIFT

FORGIVENESS IS CENTRAL TO MAKE THE JESUS SHIFT

By Dwight Cunkle

Part eleven based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

It shouldn’t take bone cancer to heal us
of relational cancer

     Like you, I have many memories of the agony of broken relationships which could have been avoided if we had chosen to learn how to practice assertive anger (truth in love). One example is the relational pain I had caused my sisters and I am sure my own parents by withdrawing from them, moving away, and being judgmental and self-righteous toward them. It was not until we shared the care of our father during his final weeks of battling painful bone cancer that I reconciled and began to feel close again to my sisters. In the days of dad’s lingering pain I felt the Lord say to me, “He is filling up the mystery of sharing in my suffering for my body.” His pain gave opportunity to heal our relational pain. But I had to make the “Jesus Shift” to acceptance and ask and receive forgiveness.

Anger and frustration comes in conflict not because we want to fight but because
we want closure and connection.

If your brother is offended at you go and try to make it right with him before trying to bring sacrifices to God (Mt 5:22-23) 

If your brother has sinned against you go to him privately and try to restore the relationship. (Mt 18:18-19)

      If we would just practice the two above Scriptures so much unnecessary pain could be avoided.

     Just as there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to express anger, there is also healthy and unhealthy guilt. Godly sorrow produces intense remorse over our sin and intense motivation to be forgiven and restored. This kind of agony is a gift of God’s mercy leading to true repentance.

     Bad guilt is condemning like shame. It leads us to turn inward but not deep enough-it only focuses on self. Narcissistic introspection won’t restore our soul anymore than blame and holding onto offense. Good guilt directs us to the cross and deep into the core of our spirit where Christ dwells. There He heals and restores.

     The peace which follows from this grace enables us to accept others, ask and give forgiveness. Especially in this season, may God grant us good guilt, reconciliation and peace.