WHY PEOPLE REMAIN TRAPPED IN ANGER

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN TRAPPED IN ANGER

By Dwight Cunkle

Part eight based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter


Eph 4:25-27 25 ...each of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.

Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan to answer the question of love and boundaries. The social outcast (Samaritan) had plenty of reason to avoid the stranger in the ditch. The religious persons in the story passed on by, but he was willing to be interrupted (he went near to the one in need and touched him). The Samaritan chose to get involved (inconvenience changed his plan). He personally invested his own resources without expectation of being paid back. He could have reacted with judgment and anger and self-protection but instead he modeled love. He extended his personal boundary to include a stranger from a group different than his own, and he acted in compassion. 

To be a good neighbor means to be free from prejudice, past hurts, and to be willing to allow God to open my heart to receive and to give His agape’ love.
Review from previous weeks:
Understand the positive purpose of anger.
Become aware of the choice to handle anger in a healthy or unhealthy way: assertiveness combined with sensitivity to others. Choose not to suppress anger, be openly aggressive or resort to passive-anger (silence, poor work ethic, complaining, making excuses, blaming others, feeling like a victim, feeling sorry for myself or shunning accountability.
How am I influenced by family patterns to treat me and others with respect or defensive reactions?
Become aware of insecurity, pride, self-absorption, fear of being disrespected or devalued as a person, and myths I may believe about anger.

The purpose of anger is to preserve or protect. Anger is tied to the craving for love, admiration and significance-sometimes it is a cry to be relieved from pain of insecurity, pride, self-absorption, fear.

How To Make A Good Decision by Pastor Dwight

Have I made some bad decisions - lots of them. If you aren't afraid to decide you will make mistakes. But our goal is to walk more in the Spirit of Christ and make better decisions that please Him and bring Him glory.

Also, try not to waste time worrying or trying to figure what what coulda, woulda, shoulda been if I only hada...

"Decision making is the hardest work we do" so don't be lazy. Here are some things that may help you.

First, consider Nine Buoys based on Gary Cake's book, Understanding Your Personal Prophecy: How to evaluate, judge, interpret and apply personal prophecy

1. That your decision does not violate God's written Word (Ps 119:105) especially when revelation comes to you as a specific application (Greek word rhema in Mt 4:4; Eph 6:17).

2. That your choice does not violate what you hear and obey God's voice (Jn 10:2, 16; Rom 8:14).

3.You have the most discipline and desire when what you do matches your God-given motivation: heart's passion, vision or mission (although we can't always get to do what we want so this is only one buoy in the decision making process).

4. You have the most grace when you use your best giftings, training and life experiences (including what you received from your parents and what works in your family).

5. Apply prophetic words you have received from others (see Gary Cake's book on how to evaluate and apply them).

6. Counsel with and authorities in your life (parents, pastor and others in authority).

7. Maintain peace and the fruit of the Spirit even if the decision is difficult.

8. Ask for and look for confirmation in circumstances.

9. Maintain unity with others involved and integrity with other prior commitments you have made (like toward your employer or team members).

10. Look for the "No wake" principle (the absence of chaos and confusion around you).

Second consider making good decisions based on principles of St Ignatius.

A. Learn to discern the spirits by practicing the daily examine of your thoughts, feelings and conscience.Am I matching up with the following:

1. Seeking to know, love and bring glory to Christ as the end?

2. Ordering decisions in a way that separates the means (money, marriage, job, college etc from that primary end of knowing, loving and pleasing God?

3. Becoming free from negative influences that may come from the world, our culture, wrong religious beliefs, or even familiarity of family and friends who knowingly or unknowingly may try to manipulate or control

B. Be aware of these three states of mind and emotion

1. Do I have a clear and persistent direction from God (Paul's Damascus Road experience)

2. If I do not have consistent emotion and sense of direction about which decision to make I continue to ask God to let me feel as He does about each decision.

3. In the absence of clear direction or sense of what pleases God I list the benefits and problems of each choice to help me weigh the outcomes.

C. Three future settings to also consider:

1. What advice would I give someone who came to for counsel with this decision?

2. How do I imagine I will feel about this decision at the end of my life

3. How do I imagine I will feel about this decision when standing before Christ?



I hope this helps.

Love you all, PD