JESUS AND THE TRUE CHURCH ARE A PATHWAY TO HEALING AND WHOLENESS FROM SEXUAL AND RELATIONAL BROKENNESS

JESUS AND THE TRUE CHURCH 

ARE A PATHWAY TO HEALING AND WHOLENESS FROM SEXUAL AND RELATIONAL BROKENNESS 

By Dwight Cunkle

  

 All of us know family or friends who have been impacted by the pain of sexual or relational issues. The cross of Christ and the word of God provide a pathway of restoration and freedom but it takes people to walk with them through the healing process.   

      Over a year ago I remember being especially burdened over the lack of a pathway of healing and a community of support for people in this painful battle. I didn't know that I was about to discover where these things already existed. Since then I have become friends with men and women who have experienced a beautiful restoration to God and freedom from shame or confusion.  Though the journey was extremely difficult and long I now know there is true hope and instruction for new life and wholeness in relationships. And there is equipping for those who feel called to be part of the healing process with others. Jesus is the way the truth and the life, and he uses real people as his hands and heart.

      After attending conferences, reading numerous books, spending many hours of prayer and conversation with pastors and hearing many stories from people of their own struggles in the area of relational or sexual wounding or brokenness, I believe God is sharing his heart with us for his sons and daughters and the restoration of his image in them.

   God's purpose for elders and pastor teachers is to equip the members of the body as well as keep watch over the flock from harm. These two charges to our office are held before God as truth in tension but not in conflict.

We  point to Christ as the Way for all who will come, and we teach God’s word as a boundary of safety for those who do.

      Marriage has God-given boundaries called covenant. Jesus said that men try to change what God created in the beginning but throughout Scripture and the history of humanity it is one man and woman committed for life and for the sake of the children they create and/or will influence through their marriage. Malachi chapter 2 states that the purpose of marriage is to produce godly children.
Marriage was designed by God and upheld by the governments of the earth to promote "the common good."  The marriage boundary  reveals Christ’s love a path of life.

BE AWARE, UNDERSTAND, TAKE ACTION

BE AWARE, UNDERSTAND, TAKE ACTION

By Dwight Cunkle

When a person decides to know; love God and do his will they experience both resistance and help. Discerning the enemy’s tactics help us resist him and go further on with Jesus.

Examples of enemy resistance from the world, flesh and devil include the following:

-Unsettling anxieties, diminishing peace
- Diminishing energy and strength to do the good
-Sadness and discouragement without knowing why
-Dullness, hardness or lack of motivation to pray, lack of interest in spiritual life, losing heart
-Obstacles and difficulties in daily life and temptations which add up to come against us with negative self-talk; “How can I continue to do good?” or, “Look what you are giving up or won’t be able to do.”
-False reasonings bring confusion, hopelessness, failure: “It’s my fault that I am not better because I should be”
-Feelings of division, unresolved hurts, critical spirit, judgments, negative interpretations of what others think, loneliness or feelings of being misunderstood.
-Fears: of failure, of rejection, of the devil or more resistance, or even fear of success and the responsibility



Examples of how God’s grace and good spirits help us overcome: 

-Experience God’s love uplifting us in faith, hope, joy, peace (even if only briefly)
-Courage to face the enemy’s resistance and continue God’s will
-Strength of God’s love lifting the heart
-Consolations of God’s love giving a new ease and increase in love for others which also uplifts us
-Tears of comfort from the movement of God’s love and closeness or overwhelming gratitude for his love in Jesus
-Inspirations, illuminations and spiritual clarity to see and overcome confusion
-Quiet Strength and peace of heart even in activity
-Grace removes obstacles, inspires an gives hope
-Faith and joy uprising in the midst of the enemy’s taunts

Go further on with the resurrected Christ and resist

the desolations of our enemy whom he has defeated.

Anger Choices Determine My Heritage and Harvest

Anger Choices Determine My Heritage and Harvest

by Dwight Cunkle 

    Sixteen years ago I brought home The Anger Workbook to use in family meetings.

 We still joke about what a disaster it was. However, if I had been able to lead us through the principles of 

managing emotional choices we’d have handled frustrations and relationships better.

     In dangerous or abusive situations, fight or flight is the right choice. However, in most daily life situations 

we can either choose to act out our anger in aggressive and potentially harmful ways; or, we can choose to act

 in assertiveness yet with sensitivity to the other people involved. This choices are rooted in the following: 

1. How we feel we have been treated: Have I been abused, or actually trained how to manage my emotions 

in healthy ways? Either way healing and forgiveness are hard. I can receive mercy and grace by giving it. 

2. How we see others: If pride controls me I may see others or their opinions as inferior to mine. If I feel 

inferior to them I either play the one-up-manship-game, in order to feel better about me, or I may shut-down 

verbally or emotionally. How do I see those who irritate me? Is it my job to “fix” them or their work? 

Really!?!?

3. How we see ourselves: Is my self-worth based in God’s love and purpose for me-that I bear God’s image 

or on my performance? What kind of person do I want to be, regardless of if others actually change?

Exchange Bad Harvest for Good Heritage: God gave His Son because He values us as his sons and 

daughters, regardless of my circumstances and performance. We can bring our frustrations to Jesus at the 

cross, like a bad harvest. In repentance ask for what Christ will say and give in it’s place. (Phil 2 Christ already 

exchanged himself for us and has a better heritage to give). 

This is #13 in the series on The Anger Trap: How to free ourselves from the frustrations that sabotage life and relationships, based on the book by Dr. Les Carter. To see the back entries go to Covenantlifechurch.com and click on our blog “Pastor’s Corner.”

The “Right” to a Happy New Year Comes When I Exercise the Privilege to Forgive

The “Right” to a Happy New Year Comes When I
Exercise the Privilege to Forgive

by Dwight Cunkle 

based on The Anger Trap by Carter

Forgiveness and acceptance reduce anger. Don't cling to fantasies expectations and demands about your right to be treated fairly let alone squarely. Anger is fed by your “shock reaction.” You must guard your heart against any bitter root negativity and bad expectation or they will grow with in you like a bad seed and branch out into a poisonous plant.

Instead, choose to change your responses. To avoid bitter fruit in your life you can choose the privilege of acceptance and forgiveness. They are not a duty forced on you as if you were a victim or martyr. You can choose to bring your pain and disappointment to the cross of Jesus Christ. He paid for our sins and provides healing for our wounds in his own.

Assertiveness doesn't always generate the results I desire; in fact, it can backfire. But, by bringing my conflicts to the cross I can trust the love of God to guide me in making good choices. Forgiveness and acceptance reduce anger, especially because some conflicts remain unresolved satisfactorily. My insistence on having my way, my rights, or even closure entrap me and trip me up in the foul mood of unresolved anger. On the other hand assertiveness can be walked out with love for others while we can still be firm in our choices and boundaries.

I am in control of my choices, especially how I respond when others react or ignore my desires. Bitterness is a choice but acceptance and forgiveness is a better choice. As we sow shall we reap. God's grace is given to the humble; His mercy to the merciful.

Choose forgiveness and acceptance and choose to have good boundaries at the same time. You will have much more happiness and peace.

What do you most want this New Year?

PAIN ALSO SERVES A PURPOSE

PAIN ALSO SERVES A PURPOSE

By Dwight Cunkle

Part ten based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

Last week we looked at “myths” that can cause unhealthy and anger-either hidden and passive or openly
aggressive.

Believing and demanding wrong ideals leads to disillusionment, vows like “I will never…” and bitter-root judgments which poison our interpretation of others.

“I need people to treat me fairly,” needs replaced with,“I can manage my anger despite others’ flaws.”
“Being forceful is a sign of strength,” can be replaced with “Gentleness and listening humbly show strength.”
“Accepting or showing weakness means defeat,” Can be replaced with, “Accepting mine and others’ weaknesses the maturity and emotional health I want.”

A key is to not build my self-esteem on what I think I deserve or what privileges to which I feel entitled. As we saw in this past election that always leads to anger and poor decisions. It is healthier to focus on my responsibilities which means I also need to face and accept pain. People who are often hurting others have probably not come to terms with their own inner agony.

Pain can have a redemptive purpose-protecting us from worse injury to ourselves and others.

The cross is the place for our pain since Jesus bore it. The cross is the place of exchange of our rights for his good.

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.

Let pain bring you to Christ’s wounds. Come to Jesus’ side and ask healing from deep wounds. Ask grace to give and receive forgiveness.  Exchange life with Jesus.

Wilma’s Story

Break Wrong Agreements & Be Delivered
Wilma’s story

During the teaching about demons and agreements, my mind went back to when my husband Don was sick (nearly 8 1/2 years ago!) and how people prayed for him and he died anyway. My statement then was that my faith "was shaken." I still had some faith, but not like it was before. Little did I realize that the demons found a way to get "in" and have been working on my faith level ever since! I told someone once that I didn't have much faith and then went on to explain that there was no doubt God COULD do anything, I just wasn't sure if He WOULD. I really identified with the guy in the Bible who said, "I believe. Help my unbelief." This was brought out to me more when at Young At Heart group they asked for people with "faith for healing" to pray for someone. Well, my immediate thought was "I don't have any faith" so I didn't pray.

The other little agreement I unconsciously made with the devil was this: when Don died, Mother said one of the hardest things for her when my Daddy died was that she wasn't #1 in anyone's life anymore. So, I'm not #1 in anyone's life anymore - and haven't been for 8 1/2 years. You sort of take that for granted until it's not there anymore. You get used to someone "having your back" - no matter what. Now I feel vulnerable.

I also give thanks for the prayer last night for Gloria, Frances and me - that God is our Father and our Husband. He is all we need. I am #1 in His life! "My picture is on His refrigerator!" Isn't it incredible to think that each one of us is #1 in His life and that doesn't diminish our unique status one little bit!? Only God could do that. Hallelujah!

Today when I was praying at home, I felt the spirit of "faithlessness" leave - three big sighs - and then later the spirit of "loneliness" left - with some coughing. Then I asked the Holy Spirit to come in and fill all the empty places and spaces and I felt God told me the Holy Spirit was "moving in, sweeping out and taking over"! What a day this has been and what a difference I think it will make in my life!

Thank you for making me think, and thank you, Father, Son & Holy Spirit for bringing these things to my mind! Amen. The Creator of time and space, the Creator of the Universe knows me by name and loves me! And, in reverence and awe and thanksgiving, I bow before Him.

-Wilma

“How to sow and reap with demons”

What if the devil offered a seminar on incarnating evil:
sinister like “How to sow and reap with demons?”
With all the pop interest in vampire stories and the occult, it almost sounds like it could be the title of a TV “reality” show.

Would Satan advertise like this? Learn how to build strongholds around pain and hurt. How to agree with harmful ideas and feelings. How to use blame as a defense. How to judge the motives of others’ hearts and think the worst about them. How to be controlled by present emotional hurts and past lie-based pain. How to avoid bringing these things into the light and from healing. How to hide the truth from yourself, others and even from Jesus.

On the other hand, we offer healing prayer encounters. On Saturday, Nov 19, we will be here at 9AM to do an hour teaching then pray one on one or a few people together to receive healing from present and old pain, lies and demons.

Present pain acts like a window through which we can become aware that some old experiences, hurts or memories need the healing presence of Jesus. As a good mechanic listens to the engine and looks under the hood, so we listen to our hearts and for what Jesus brings in exchange for the old lies of the accuser.

Here’s a fictional example: perhaps today I reacted with hurt and anger again because I feel no one values the work I do. As I pray, I realize I accepted this as a lie from the devil-that I am worthless. I recall that when I was growing up my father did not notice me or praise the work I did, but instead gave his approval to my older sibling. When I offered my hurt to Jesus, He spoke into my heart that He looks at me each day and enjoys the things I do and He loves me whether I do things as well as others or not. I felt his peace both now and in those memories.

But there is more. I am able to forgive my father. And as I ask God’s forgiveness for my anger I realize that besides the healing I also can now be delivered from the angry and jealous spirit which has oppressed me and so quickly would react.

Since I know what was the source of the anger, and I have been healed of the hurt, I remove the grounds for demons of anger and jealousy to torment me. And since the lie that I am worthless has been exchanged with Jesus’ own words of love and his pleasure in me I can command the spirit of anger and jealousy to leave and I can be more filled with the Holy Spirit.