PAIN ALSO SERVES A PURPOSE

PAIN ALSO SERVES A PURPOSE

By Dwight Cunkle

Part ten based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

Last week we looked at “myths” that can cause unhealthy and anger-either hidden and passive or openly
aggressive.

Believing and demanding wrong ideals leads to disillusionment, vows like “I will never…” and bitter-root judgments which poison our interpretation of others.

“I need people to treat me fairly,” needs replaced with,“I can manage my anger despite others’ flaws.”
“Being forceful is a sign of strength,” can be replaced with “Gentleness and listening humbly show strength.”
“Accepting or showing weakness means defeat,” Can be replaced with, “Accepting mine and others’ weaknesses the maturity and emotional health I want.”

A key is to not build my self-esteem on what I think I deserve or what privileges to which I feel entitled. As we saw in this past election that always leads to anger and poor decisions. It is healthier to focus on my responsibilities which means I also need to face and accept pain. People who are often hurting others have probably not come to terms with their own inner agony.

Pain can have a redemptive purpose-protecting us from worse injury to ourselves and others.

The cross is the place for our pain since Jesus bore it. The cross is the place of exchange of our rights for his good.

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.

Let pain bring you to Christ’s wounds. Come to Jesus’ side and ask healing from deep wounds. Ask grace to give and receive forgiveness.  Exchange life with Jesus.

SHIFTING OUR PARADIGM OF ANGER

SHIFTING OUR PARADIGM OF ANGER

By Dwight Cunkle

Part nine based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

Anger has a positive purpose when not “hijacked” by fear, pride, denial or blame-shifting. This week we look at the power of choosing to face Reality that the world often is not what we want and is always beyond our ability to control. But we can choose how we respond, beginning with letting go of our illusions and shock when life and people are hard. As we accept pain and disappointment we can respond with truth and love. When we abide in God’s love we can choose to love others while speaking the truth to them.

Eph 4:25-27 ...each of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

Signs of unrealistic expectations and demands of others:

I can’t believe….
Why cant you just…
I don’t understand why….

When statements like these are followed by a tendency to brood or act out in ways that are hurtful to those around us we can recognize that we have unrealistic demands on life

Two sources of anger from our past:
1. Chronic mistreatment or unresolved friction in our childhood. May influence us to look to the future with vows and illusions, “One of these days….”.
2. Some adults look back on childhood as almost perfect. Anxiety and frustration grow as they are unable to reproduce such perfection in their own home and lives.

Assertive anger uses firmness with calmness and gentleness. Facing reality and facing other people with respect means we choose to not keep score and not keep hold of an unrealistic sense of entitlement about how others and life should treat us.

Bottom line: we need to bring everything to the cross of Jesus Christ. Who is never shocked and sees the end from the beginning. His faithful love never fails.