BE AWARE, UNDERSTAND, TAKE ACTION (part four)

BE AWARE, UNDERSTAND, TAKE ACTION (part four)

By Dwight Cunkle



Review, Reflect, Renew and go further on with Jesus...

In his book, Examen Prayer  Timothy Gallagher instructs us to pause and prepare heart and mind for prayer by asking God the grace to become aware of his love for us and His presence in and around us. Begin with awareness then move to thanksgiving, and we will receive wisdom and revelation from his word how to pray and how to act.

David said, “Enter God’s presence with thanksgiving-(Psalms 95 and 100). Jesus showed us how to begin prayer, “Our Father-hallowed be your name.” Paul wrote, “Let requests be made with thanksgiving,” and,  “In everything give thanks.” How important is thanks? Gallagher writes :
“... ingratitude is one of the things most worthy of detestation before our Creator and Lord, and before all creatures capable of his divine and everlasting glory, out of all the evils and sins which can be imagined. For it is a failure to recognize the good things, the graces, and the gifts received. As such, it is the cause, beginning, and origin of all evils and sins (see Romans 1). On the contrary, recognition and gratitude for the good things and gifts received is greatly loved and esteemed both in heaven and on earth.”

1. After becoming aware God looks on me with love, and
2. After giving thanks for his graces my life and world, 
3. Then I am ready to discern good and evil spirits
4. Resisting and rejecting the bad, but aided by the good 5. Move toward God in faith, hope and love. I will be able to set aside the trap of negative self-talk, self-centered introspection, and all the “bait of Satan” to trap me in offence or fear. When I am at rest and united in God’s love, 6. I am ready to hear (really “to sense the effect of” rather than just “get a word”) what God is saying in his word, in listening prayer, and through spiritual direction,
7. And to make good decisions in a pure heart of wisdom and love.

BE AWARE, UNDERSTAND, TAKE ACTION

BE AWARE, UNDERSTAND, TAKE ACTION

By Dwight Cunkle

When a person decides to know; love God and do his will they experience both resistance and help. Discerning the enemy’s tactics help us resist him and go further on with Jesus.

Examples of enemy resistance from the world, flesh and devil include the following:

-Unsettling anxieties, diminishing peace
- Diminishing energy and strength to do the good
-Sadness and discouragement without knowing why
-Dullness, hardness or lack of motivation to pray, lack of interest in spiritual life, losing heart
-Obstacles and difficulties in daily life and temptations which add up to come against us with negative self-talk; “How can I continue to do good?” or, “Look what you are giving up or won’t be able to do.”
-False reasonings bring confusion, hopelessness, failure: “It’s my fault that I am not better because I should be”
-Feelings of division, unresolved hurts, critical spirit, judgments, negative interpretations of what others think, loneliness or feelings of being misunderstood.
-Fears: of failure, of rejection, of the devil or more resistance, or even fear of success and the responsibility



Examples of how God’s grace and good spirits help us overcome: 

-Experience God’s love uplifting us in faith, hope, joy, peace (even if only briefly)
-Courage to face the enemy’s resistance and continue God’s will
-Strength of God’s love lifting the heart
-Consolations of God’s love giving a new ease and increase in love for others which also uplifts us
-Tears of comfort from the movement of God’s love and closeness or overwhelming gratitude for his love in Jesus
-Inspirations, illuminations and spiritual clarity to see and overcome confusion
-Quiet Strength and peace of heart even in activity
-Grace removes obstacles, inspires an gives hope
-Faith and joy uprising in the midst of the enemy’s taunts

Go further on with the resurrected Christ and resist

the desolations of our enemy whom he has defeated.

WHAT YOU AREN'T SAYING IS LOUDER THAN WHAT YOU ARE

WHAT YOU AREN'T SAYING IS LOUDER THAN WHAT YOU ARE 

by Dwight Cunkle

 

 

This week I substitute taught second grade at Kaiser. Several times I spoke with anger and treated a few students with disrespect when they misbehaved. I need more practice in thinking and loving a child who needs boundaries. It is wrong to look down on someone who lacks training and who needs father’s love. Christ humbled himself and shared our weakness to help us.

TRUE OR FALSE - Others are more important than me?

__What you’re not saying is louder than what you say.

__Non-verbal gives more than verbal communication:

(Body Language about 57%, Tone of Voice about 36%, Actual words 7%)

__When angry covert messages nearly always are more dominant than what is being said overtly. In other words, if I say something positive to you but use a condescending tone or roll my eyes, etc… you will receive a negative message.

(Keep reading to see how to relate to others without condescension and judgment. This key will help us put on Christ’s mind of love—being concerned about the interests of others above our own. Philippians 2 So if any encouragement, comfort from love, unity in the Spirit, affection, sympathy, 2 complete my joy...,  Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Answers to the above:

#1 is the more true the more emotion is present

#2 the figures are actually an urban myth although the idea sometimes applies.

#3 is TRUE.  

Choose to think descriptively instead of judgmentally:

     When feeling angry or frustrated at someone’s actions try to refuse to place judgment on them. Try to “unpack” what is going on instead of just making evaluations of your and their worth. Comparing yourself with others just places one person above or below another.

     On the other hand, I can admit I feel (disappointed etc…) and recognize their weakness or strength (e.g. they tend to be late or not plan their time well), then make a decision to have good boundaries (e.g. not put myself in a place of dependence on their keeping to my schedule). All the while, I refrain from judging or grading the person. Then I can see them as Christ does. Perhaps I can help them in the humility and love of Jesus.    

The “Right” to a Happy New Year Comes When I Exercise the Privilege to Forgive

The “Right” to a Happy New Year Comes When I
Exercise the Privilege to Forgive

by Dwight Cunkle 

based on The Anger Trap by Carter

Forgiveness and acceptance reduce anger. Don't cling to fantasies expectations and demands about your right to be treated fairly let alone squarely. Anger is fed by your “shock reaction.” You must guard your heart against any bitter root negativity and bad expectation or they will grow with in you like a bad seed and branch out into a poisonous plant.

Instead, choose to change your responses. To avoid bitter fruit in your life you can choose the privilege of acceptance and forgiveness. They are not a duty forced on you as if you were a victim or martyr. You can choose to bring your pain and disappointment to the cross of Jesus Christ. He paid for our sins and provides healing for our wounds in his own.

Assertiveness doesn't always generate the results I desire; in fact, it can backfire. But, by bringing my conflicts to the cross I can trust the love of God to guide me in making good choices. Forgiveness and acceptance reduce anger, especially because some conflicts remain unresolved satisfactorily. My insistence on having my way, my rights, or even closure entrap me and trip me up in the foul mood of unresolved anger. On the other hand assertiveness can be walked out with love for others while we can still be firm in our choices and boundaries.

I am in control of my choices, especially how I respond when others react or ignore my desires. Bitterness is a choice but acceptance and forgiveness is a better choice. As we sow shall we reap. God's grace is given to the humble; His mercy to the merciful.

Choose forgiveness and acceptance and choose to have good boundaries at the same time. You will have much more happiness and peace.

What do you most want this New Year?

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN TRAPPED IN ANGER

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN TRAPPED IN ANGER

By Dwight Cunkle

Part eight based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter


Eph 4:25-27 25 ...each of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.

Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan to answer the question of love and boundaries. The social outcast (Samaritan) had plenty of reason to avoid the stranger in the ditch. The religious persons in the story passed on by, but he was willing to be interrupted (he went near to the one in need and touched him). The Samaritan chose to get involved (inconvenience changed his plan). He personally invested his own resources without expectation of being paid back. He could have reacted with judgment and anger and self-protection but instead he modeled love. He extended his personal boundary to include a stranger from a group different than his own, and he acted in compassion. 

To be a good neighbor means to be free from prejudice, past hurts, and to be willing to allow God to open my heart to receive and to give His agape’ love.
Review from previous weeks:
Understand the positive purpose of anger.
Become aware of the choice to handle anger in a healthy or unhealthy way: assertiveness combined with sensitivity to others. Choose not to suppress anger, be openly aggressive or resort to passive-anger (silence, poor work ethic, complaining, making excuses, blaming others, feeling like a victim, feeling sorry for myself or shunning accountability.
How am I influenced by family patterns to treat me and others with respect or defensive reactions?
Become aware of insecurity, pride, self-absorption, fear of being disrespected or devalued as a person, and myths I may believe about anger.

The purpose of anger is to preserve or protect. Anger is tied to the craving for love, admiration and significance-sometimes it is a cry to be relieved from pain of insecurity, pride, self-absorption, fear.

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN TRAPPED IN ANGER

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN 

TRAPPED IN ANGER

By Dwight Cunkle

Part seven based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

Review of the past six weeks: The purpose of anger is to preserve or protect. Anger is tied to the craving for love, admiration and significance-sometimes it is a cry to be relieved from pain of insecurity, pride, self-absorption, fear.

Anger is fear-based
This week we look at how fears of being devalued or disrespected prompt us to mishandle our anger. Three things will help us choose a healthy and positive way to respond:
Be objective: weigh facts with logic to make a reasoned response. Pause before reacting.
Then practice good listening to get all the facts  and avoid negative assumptions or interpretations about what other people might intend or may have been feeling.   
Believe that you are a person of worth, who cares about others, and by the help of God’s grace, can be a peacemaker and a protector of other’s personal worth and boundaries.

Avoid these when you feel threatened:
Pride and Denial: “know-it-all” or living in unreality, or “I can’t change”
Evasiveness: “I don’t care”, withdrawal, hiding
Reversal: deflection-”what about you?”, blaming others, whining about being a victim of circumstances

When we abide in God’s love we can choose to love others while speaking the truth to them. We believe the truth about ourselves-that we have value as a person created uniquely in God’s love. Then we can tell others how their choices may be affecting us and what our own choices are. We can choose to not be controlled by others, even if they mistreat us. And we can still be sensitive to their own unresolved pain and problems while maintaining healthy personal boundaries.

We can do all this by following the Great Commandment to love God and love our neighbor as our self.

BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN (PART TWO)

BE ANGRY BUT DON’T SIN (PART TWO)

By Dwight Cunkle

based on The Anger Trap by Dr Les Carter

Can anger be productive when handled properly?
Yes, if while I am trying to preserve personal worth, needs and convictions I simultaneously uphold the dignity of the others involved.

We can communicate with a positive kind of assertiveness about our core values when we want others to take us seriously. The true nature of assertiveness is not so strong willed that others feel insignificant or invalidated.

A list of positive functions of anger include:

Standing firmly for right beliefs
Expressing caring concern about poor others’ choices made by others
Stipulating personal limits and boundaries
Establishing self-respect
Holding firmly to personal convictions even as others attempt mind controlling maneuvers
Addressing problems related to irresponsibility or misguided priorities
Being clear about personal needs
Demonstrating confidence and inviting others to consider your perspective
Setting your own course for each day’s challenges
Establishing discipline and coordination in shared efforts

If you are able to tie anger to constructive motives, it is no longer an ensnaring emotion. Instead, anger can become an impetus to propel you to stand for truth and take a proactive approach to conflict resolution.