How to help Children through their crisis.

Based on When a Hug Won’t Fix the Hurt, Karen Dockery

Accept. Express. Respond. Together.

~ Accept children’s pain so they don’t feel forced to suffer alone. (walk together through the stages of grief/ loss/mourning)

~ Anger is a sign of fear and pain. Anger is scary to children. Show them how to “not let sun go down on anger.”

~ Don’t stuff feelings but guide them to God-honoring ways to release feelings. How to “be angry but not sin.”

~ Their actions and words are an invitation or call for help.

~They need the 3 A’s. Affirmation, Affection. Attention.

~ Build them up, they need encouragement, not criticism, expectations or harsh exhortations.

~ Be honest with them- about your own pain and unanswered questions. Especially the “why?” question.

~ Help them manage their pain; don’t try to just take it away. Talk about how you hurt and model forgiveness.

~ Don’t try to “logic” or “lawyer” them into a position, feelings, words or actions. Let a child be a child-don’t expect them to act adult.

~ Pain and fear and treatment (physical or spiritual) exhausts them so they will need to rest.

~ Serve them- help with chores or homework.

~ Don’t ignore or avoid people’s handicaps, hurts, disabilities, weaknesses. Acknowledging feelings helps them accept themselves and feel accepted by others. They are not defined or labeled by them but may feel isolated because we feel awkward or uncomfortable and end up avoiding them or their need. In other words talk with them about injury, wounding, disability, crisis or divorce-don’t just ignore it and them.

~ Acknowledge “I don’t have the answers but God does.”

~ Lead them into Encounter Prayer.
What am I feeling now? What do I remember about where, when or how this may have started?
What thoughts or agreements might I need to change (“lie-based-pain). Identify the devil’s lies.
What is God saying to me about me? My past? About others? (TRUTH IN LOVE).
What does God want me to do?

-PD

2011 A Year of Tending: Focus, Faithfulness and Fruit