WHY PEOPLE REMAIN TRAPPED IN ANGER

WHY PEOPLE REMAIN 

TRAPPED IN ANGER

By Dwight Cunkle

Part seven based on The Anger Trap by Dr. Les Carter

Review of the past six weeks: The purpose of anger is to preserve or protect. Anger is tied to the craving for love, admiration and significance-sometimes it is a cry to be relieved from pain of insecurity, pride, self-absorption, fear.

Anger is fear-based
This week we look at how fears of being devalued or disrespected prompt us to mishandle our anger. Three things will help us choose a healthy and positive way to respond:
Be objective: weigh facts with logic to make a reasoned response. Pause before reacting.
Then practice good listening to get all the facts  and avoid negative assumptions or interpretations about what other people might intend or may have been feeling.   
Believe that you are a person of worth, who cares about others, and by the help of God’s grace, can be a peacemaker and a protector of other’s personal worth and boundaries.

Avoid these when you feel threatened:
Pride and Denial: “know-it-all” or living in unreality, or “I can’t change”
Evasiveness: “I don’t care”, withdrawal, hiding
Reversal: deflection-”what about you?”, blaming others, whining about being a victim of circumstances

When we abide in God’s love we can choose to love others while speaking the truth to them. We believe the truth about ourselves-that we have value as a person created uniquely in God’s love. Then we can tell others how their choices may be affecting us and what our own choices are. We can choose to not be controlled by others, even if they mistreat us. And we can still be sensitive to their own unresolved pain and problems while maintaining healthy personal boundaries.

We can do all this by following the Great Commandment to love God and love our neighbor as our self.