THINGS WE ARE LEARNING ABOUT ANGER (PART FOUR)

THINGS WE ARE LEARNING ABOUT ANGER (PART FOUR)

By Dwight Cunkle

based on The Anger Trap by Dr Les Carter

I Am free to choose how to handle my anger.

Once I’ve identified the purpose of anger (to preserve or protect) I recognize I have options how to handle my emotion. I can release myself from acting out of anger in a way that is hurtful to myself and others. I need to see that anger management is about responding appropriately when I feel controlled by others; namely, not trying to grab control myself in these three ways:
    1) Suppressing anger
    2) Acting aggressively
    3) Being passive aggressive. This is very manipulative through non-cooperation, stony silence, saying one thing and doing another, procrastinating, or giving a half-hearted effort.

The above unhealthy attempts to control the situation when I am angry goes beyond the effort to preserve legitimate needs and conviction. Now I am coercing others to fit my agenda through a power-play.

When I realize I have free will to choose healthy ways of responding I am free to let others take their own responsibility while I can be stable and have peace with my choices.

Some of my choices include the following:
1)    Take a time out
2)    Appeal that we talk again later
3)    Involve someone else in the conversation
4)    Choose to address my own needs and perceptions in a firm yet calm manner
5)    Let go of my own fixed agenda of how others should respond
6)    Recognize this is not a contest of wills. So repeating myself unnecessary.
7)    Most importantly, I can choose to forgive and let go of my anger.